Does commitment = Self control?

The answer to the question in my opinion is no. Just because one says they are committed to something or someone doesn’t mean they posses self control; likewise, just because someone displays self control it doesn’t mean they want to necessarily commit.





When beginning a relationship sometimes in the excitement of it’s newness and our carnal attractions we can forget to be sensible.

Many of us want the by product of a committed relationship, exclusivity, intimacy, companionship, stability and more. But we don’t understand immediately that self control and commitment aren’t one in the same and to be committed we must practice self control.

This is evident in the ways individuals can take on the commitment of an exclusive relationship or even enter into the union of marriage then cheat on one another and swear they’re committed; they lack self-control.  The lack of self-control will have you trying to fulfill your every whim as it pertains your ideals and with people other than your s/o or spouse.

I’d even go as far as to say if we aren’t practicing self control in our relationships we are not committed.  It takes more than just having the title of boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and wife to be committed.

It takes you being able to see someone you’re attracted to and may even  have a strong chemistry with, and still make the choice to not entertain them and or the thought of what you could do to and with them.  It takes your ego taking the back seat  and not talking to people just to see if you’ve still got it, no flirting to see what happens, no hiding social media messages or text messages because they could prove to  make you look unfaithful.

It takes you considering the commitment you made however many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years ago. It can also be as simple as deciding to treat your spouse or significant other the way you truly want to be treated; you know you desire loyalty, you desire to be able to trust your partner, to know they’re for you and not for anybody else. Give what you expect to be mirrored, considering these things I believe will minimize  infidelity. And please know that what you do will be discovered somehow and someday, secrets of all sorts have a way of coming out when you least expect them to.

Work to say and do things you wouldn’t mind your significant other finding out about; the choice is yours practice self-control to better uphold and exemplify your commitment.


In Love,




Why I Don’t Love My Fiance

Simply Beautiful.

Michael J. Pittman

In 130 days I’m getting married, and a friend recently asked me why I love my fiancé. I wanted to share a deeper perspective on Amanda and I’s relationship, so before I answered why I love her, I had to first explain to him the reasons I don’t love my future bride to be.

I came to two conclusions:
First is, I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the outside. I know. It sounds cheesy, it sounds sappy. This perspective is not a novel idea by any means. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t love you for what’s on the outside. I love you for what’s on the inside.” But that brings me to my second conclusion.

I don’t love Amanda for what’s on the inside either.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things on the inside and outside that I love about

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Chic Life! Chic Hair!






Texas Southern University senior and budding pr & image consultant Jude’ Ivy, 27, is having her online entrepreneurial debut Dec.8th.

 Ivy will be opening Chic Life, a clothing store (, and Chic Hair an online hair boutique  ( . 

Ivy also recently partnered with power house online accessory store KitsyLane to open ChicIvy (

” I’m just a girl with dreams of helping people and owning businesses! ” she says.

Ivy says that she hopes to be successful in her own right and hopes to empower other young women to do the same no matter their past or present situations.

” I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and recently  I have lived off and on with friends and family members. But I believe these unfortunate events set me up for something greater; and I intend to find out what it is!” Ivy said. 

 To keep up with what she’s doing you can follow her on Twitter [ judeivy, and chichair1] or you can connect with her on Facebook [ ChicIvyPR, prladies] . 


Pain Educates


How many times did it take for you to touch something hot before you realized it hurt?

For many of us when it comes to matters of the heart we have to get burned over and over before we realize the importance of being honest and taking our time.

Being honest with yourself as to what you expect from another heart,  what you are willing to do for someone’s heart and what you are willing to put up with from a heart.

As well as being comfortable with the time it may take to learn yourself and  learning another person.

Pain often comes as a shock;  and sometimes we wonder why did we have to experience it? We try our best to avoid it, and we tend to want it to go away as soon as possible.

I’m writing today to merely encourage us to allow ourselves to feel “the pain”, I mean truly feel it and then learn something from it. Learn something that will aid in positive progression as opposed to teaching ourselves not to feel, and therefore no longer allowing ourselves to feel for others.

Instead work to understand that pain and use it as reason to try not to ever cause that pain on anyone else.

In Love,

Jude’                           Encouragement

What is “Speak”?

Originally POSTED ON NOVEMBER 13, 2012 BY  



Speak is a short documentary film produced, written, directed, and promoted by students of Texas Southern University school of communication.  This is a redemptive documentary that explores the lives of two young women who were sexually abused during their childhood. This film was first introduced to some students and faculty a year ago during the school’s annual “Communications Week”; the film was a hit.

Faculty and students alike, gave rave reviews about the transparency, courage, and strength of the films two main characters Kentra Gilbert 25, and Jude’ Ivy 26, and the necessity of the film. ” It was as if people were saying FINALLY, somebody is saying something about it.” said a student who wished to have his identity concealed.

The film touches on an all too familiar taboo, sexual abuse. The story gives details about the two ladies sexual abuse experiences with someone they both knew. Since the films first screening, the director and producer Stephanie Madrid, 22, and Krishunda Goodman 35, entered it into local and foreign film festivals. The short documentary garnered a REMI award,  the highest award of it’s category in the Houston World-Fest International Film Festival in 2011. It was also an official selection in the Mid-Atlantic Film Festival (2011). It is an official selection in  the Annual 20th African Diaspora International Film Festival in New York City (2012) and most recently the Hayti Heritage Center Film Festival in Durham, North Carolina (2012).

We are so proud of our fellow Texas Southern Tigers and wish them all the best in their efforts to speak out against sexual abuse.

If you or anyone you know has been or is being sexually abused please call The RAINN Hotline 1.800.656.-H.O.P.E.


Young And Married Life TV: “An Answered Prayer”

**Disclaimer** Some views expressed in this video, do not reflect YMCL’s . **

I briefly interview my parents on their love story. This was hard lol my father is very long winded my mom is too but she knows how to reel it in!! So this was our second take and we got it!

I hope you get something out of it!
In Love,

All The Right Moves: Take 2 The Hubby Speaks!


YMCL: What’s your story?

LA: One night I went to the basketball court to shoot around. When I get there I notice my friend Jarmel playing a game with this girl; but I still just wanted to shoot so I asked if I could join. When I did, I felt like the girl doubted my immaculate skill on the court, so I decided to show her up (buzzed and all). So, I began dribbling/flying past/crossing her (all at once) until she was like, “okay, yeah, you’re the truth”.

Once she realized that and gave me props, I decided to give her some sweat to keep for herself while I chilled for a while. Well, when she received the sweat, she seemed very ungrateful in the fact that she had the audacity to get upset! So I stayed for a minute just to talk to her and cool her down, and we ended up really engaged in conversation.


As the night lingered on, I yearned for hydration in the form of H2O; so I invited her to join me. Well, she did; and as any good host would do, I served her first. When I got ready to serve myself, I noticed she had finished, but there was more left in her cup; so I just took it and drank the rest… after that, something happened… She wanted to “make out” with me. So we did….. that is, until my friends came in .

Then we left so I could walk her home but ended up detouring *wink wink* to other make out stops along the way. After that day, we met up a lot. Then came my birthday (rubs hands as eyebrows raise while flashing an evil grin). I invited her over. Maaaan, we had the strippers, drugs, liquor, etc. but for some odd reason, she wasn’t feeling it, so we ended up leaving to a less lively area, and I was convinced, “Yeah, she wants the D”.

One long night of passion ensued until the break of dawn. It was on this night I found out she was a virgin. After that, I couldn’t just leave her high and dry, so I made her my girlfriend.

YMCL : When did you “just know” ?

LA: I “just knew” after THAT night… If she thought enough of me to give me the one thing she couldn’t take back, then I knew she thought enough of me to give me more (love, security, hope, etc.)

YMCL: How did you propose?

LA:   I kept asking her all types of questions about what type of ring she wanted and she just answered so nonchalantly not knowing  I was on my way to Walmart. She’d been feeling bad in her first trimester and so I wanted to do something to cheer her up. I came in smiling and she was like “what are you doing goofiness?”  And I proposed  I was like “it was only $100 but I love you more than that and when I get in a better position I will get you another one.” But she didn’t care!! She loved it!! Sported it like it was yellow gold! Still got it too!

YMCL: How is Married life?

LA: I LOVE MARRIED LIFE! (Sometimes)- I say that because it feels great to have someone close by at all times that you know has your best interest in mind and is available to love and love on you 24/7. Sometimes it’s not so great because that person knows how to push your buttons, and you can’t just be like, “shut up before I kick you out”, you know?… Those times when you just have to tolerate them because you KNOW they’re not going anywhere… But I suppose, those are the prime times life insurance policies pay off. So even then, it has the potential to be a win-win, lol… Jk. But “I” personally love it.

YMCL: What do you wish you knew before taking that step?

LA:  The thing I wish I would’ve known before marriage is that she doesn’t cook (Nuff said). Lol naw but she’s learning!

YMCL: What advice would you give readers considering marriage?

LA:   As for advice, I would say, make sure you are ready for that commitment, because there will be times of Heaven as well as Hell. But if you are not prepared to stick it out with that person through the roughest times, you shouldn’t be selfish and  take time away from them meeting another person who will. Finding someone with whom you can spend your time with is the best. Point and case: it’s now 2:19 a.m. And we’re up watching movies and frying fish #just enjoying each other!

**Update** In her post she mentioned me being a “drugee” I just want to say I am NOW drug and cigarette FREE!!!!!!

Praying for your husband

This is awesome and I needed to be reminded to do
this daily!!! Thank you for this post 🙂

PRAYING FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND, PRAYING, HUSBAND,Half a year ago I was sitting in my room grading some worksheets we had given our teens from church as homework and I came across one of my girl’s papers on which I read something that made me put everything down and just stop and think. I don’t know what question it was responding to but she had written: “I’m praying that one day God will bless me with a good, godly husband and we’ll have a good family once we get married.”

All of a sudden I felt really convicted, because here I have one of my thirteen year old girls writing about how she’s praying for her future husband and it made me realize that half of the time I forget that I’m supposed to be praying for my own future husband as well.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been praying for my husband since I was a young…

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